War on Sex, Drugs: A Bunch o’ Malarkey

So Limbaugh called a female law student, Sandra Fluke, a prostitute.  Yes, and Bill Maher said “see you next Tuesday.”  I’ve been called worse, but that guy was on stage in front of a room full of drunk comics.  I was angry.  I was upset.  I wish I had been able to make an example of the situation like Ms. Fluke has.  Fact: sexually frustrated men will always be angry at women who shrink the ever-present manhood with their words.  Sticks and stones.  Please pause as I roll my eyes dramtically at the maturity.  Wow, I should paint that ceiling.  Wait, is that glass?

Subsequently, or maybe alongside this scandal, some powerful people have taken to making a mockery of the political debate on the female reproductive system.  Just this week, the Huffington Post has blasted the involvement of Ohio State Senator Nina Turner in the fight to counter the anti-contraception legislation.

Just last month, Lynn Wachtmann, who has taken “spreading one’s seed” to a whole new level, made a last minute ammendment to legislation that was passed in the Ohio House Health and Aging Committee.  The ammendment prohibits physician assistants from inserting or removing IUDs, a common form of birth control that prevents pregnancy by stopping fertilized eggs from entering the uterus.  This legislation has moved to the state’s House.  Wachtmann, a pro-life advocate, is opposed to this method of brith control on moral grounds.  Every woman in Ohio should be ecstatic that he wants to be so closely involved with every single uterus in the state.

State Representative Nina Turner has countered with her proposed legislation.  In Illinois, Rep. Kelly Cassidy has introduced an ammendment that would require men seeking prescriptions for Viagra to view a graphic video of a specific, common side effect (priapism)caused by the drug before obtaining them.  Saying she is tired of politicians deciding that “women are incapable of making their own decisions,” Rep. Cassidy wants to apply that same idea equally to all citizens.  That video, which can be found by the brave soul on Youtube, stayed in my brain for days.  Down with you, Viagra!

Such govermental maneuvering is happening all across the country.  I want to thank Mr. Limbaugh for bringing the debate to my attention, and now to yours.

If politicians want to get in my uterus, they’ll fail just like all the other old, creepy guys that gawk in bars and on the street.  How much does anyone want to bet me that women are going to start cat-calling out of car windows now?  Why is that so strange?

Stay away from my fallopian tube, you creep.  Or else, I’ll have to start digging into your business too.  I don’t think men will like that if they find that video.

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Photo credit: Tug of War by Ambro/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net