Ann Romney Hangs Around to Cheer Up Cleaning Women

Ann Romney, wife of presumptive GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney, told a group of women last week (Apr. 23) how happy she is that there are so many mommies out there who have to work outside of the house.

“I love the fact that there are women out there who don’t have a choice and they must go to work and they still have to raise the kids. Thank goodness that we value those people too. And sometimes life isn’t easy for any of us.”

Mrs. Romney, who has suffered more than any woman since Mary at the foot of the cross, told her tale of woe to a small cadre of cleaning women left to tidy up after the Connecticut Republican Party’s Prescott Bush Awards Dinner in Stamford.

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As several of the women went to help one of the cleaners who hurt her back when she slipped on a spilled bit of “Bananas Foster”, Mrs. Romney told of the many swords that have pierced her heart.

“It’s such an emotionally draining thing that you go through. And the person that you’re fighting for, that you love, that you cherish, you know that they are being maligned at times. You know that they are being misrepresented at times and you know that they aren’t getting the proper treatment at times.”

The workers tended to the uninsured injured woman, promising to help with her medical bills as much as their meager salaries would allow.  Mrs. Romney wept as she spoke of the challenges of raising five sons with only the sort of household staff that a quarter billionaire can afford.

“I know what’s like to finish the laundry and to look in the basket five minutes later and it’s full again.  And I know what’s like to struggle and to have those concerns that all mothers have.”

She talked about her husband’s legendary uncaring cruelty, relating an incident when he forced her to run with the Olympic Torch as she was recovering from a bout of Multiple Sclerosis.

“I could barely walk when I went out. And Mitt, unbeknownst, chose me to be his hero and to run the torch into Salt Lake City,” she said.

Mrs. Romney’s body shook as she sobbed until the ambulance arrived. She raised her tear-streaked face to the crowd and screamed:

“Why are you here? What made you come out of your house today to this event? And what do you think about the future?”

One of the workers strode toward Mrs. Romney with her fists clenched.

Bitch!  We are here because these are the only jobs you asshole Republicans haven’t outsourced to China, you well-dressed, heartless…”

Secret Service agents tackled the 56-year old woman, cuffed her and dragged her from the auditorium.

This seemed to cheer Mrs. Romney, who beckoned to the remaining workers and led them into a nearby women’s bathroom. She took a fistful of $100 bills from her purse and dropped them into a filthy toilet. She took a hanky out of her purse so she wouldn’t have to touch the lever, flushed, and dropped the hanky into the toilet where it and the wad of bills immediately caused the toilet to clog and overflow.

“Whichever one of you feels like reaching down there and unclogging that thing can have the money,” she said, flipping her hair and flouncing out of the room.

Our pool photographer got this shot after several cleaning women reached into the toilet to unclog the money plug Mrs. Romney flushed. He also got $300. (Photo used for satirical purposes, licensed under Creative Commons 2.0 by "_Fidelio_" on Flickr.)