Oh, Canada…

Dear America,

I have a beef with you.

But let me back up.  During last week was Canada Day.

Of course as a 34-year old American I have no fricking clue what Canada Day is.  So what did I do?  I asked twitter, of course.

After I wished my Canadian tweeps a happy Canada Day first. I mean, I’m not a total jerk.

Anyway, what I got was an entire history lesson. I was amazed!  I learned new things!

I mean, did you know that the Queen of England still “checks in” every week?  Or that the British who burned down DC in the war of 1812 were the CANADIANS?

Yeah, you probably did.  But I didn’t.

After the amazement and the fun of learning fell away, I was left stewing about how much my country just decides what is important for me to know.

Yeah, yeah…I realize I can go out and look up history of countries on my own. But I have a lot going on. Normally I don’t just think, “hmm.  School never taught me about Canadian government. And they are our neighbors to the north. I should know this. Let me go spend a few hours on that.”

I get that a high school World History class can’t cover every single country in the world. But considering our continent only consists of THREE countries, you would think we would spend a little more time learning that Canada isn’t just a bunch of polite northerners with a cute accent or that Mexico isn’t just full of poor people trying to sneak in and steal our jobs.

I mean really.

World History should maybe do more than teach names and capitols of countries and the World Wars.

We Americans (by the way, that bothers me too. All of the Western Hemisphere is American. ALL OF IT.  Why are the people of the United States only referred to as American?)…anyway, we Americans are known around the world as a bunch of egotistical jerks.

And we are!  Not because we wake up, look in the mirror, and decide to hate the world or something, but because it’s the way we were taught. It’s how we were brainwashed.

As Loraine’s dad in Back to the Future says, “It comes from upbringing. Parents were probably idiots too.”

The problem is, my parents are very nice people who had no idea they were making us into jerk Americans. Because they are jerk Americans too.  And so were their parents. AMERICA MADE US INTO JERK AMERICANS.

Now, I know there are plenty of people who have come to this realization already and who are doing something about it. And really, I knew that Americans were globally dumb. The problem is that I consider myself to be pretty open-minded and willing to learn.

Plus I know that The United States isn’t the king of Earth and that the sun doesn’t shine only on us.

But I didn’t realize how much my knowledge of, well, EVERYTHING is so USA-heavy.  And it is scary to me.

What else don’t I know?

Damn it Canada, you may have made me into a conspiracy theory believer.

Way to go.

And happy Canada Day.  I tip my tuque to you.