Make Mine a Chick-fil-A!

Chick-fil-A, eh?

Detached amusement is a handy emotional default position for us Canadians who enjoy our southerly view of America, the land of perpetual social folly. When Sarah Palin was au current, we had the welcome addition of reality television show hilarity from the northwestern Alaska frontier, but in 2012 the really good stuff is all below the 49th. At the end of a tough day, no need to stay up late to catch Colbert or Jon Stewart for comic relief – pick your evening news media platform, go straight to the public record and prepare to laugh like hell at some of the shite that passes for informed commentary in the Great Republic.

This week it was Chick-fil-A supremo Dan Cathy’s turn to provide the grist for yer obedient scribe’s humour mill. Big Dan decided that it was time to make sure that his legions of chicken chompers can mow down secure in the knowledge that Chick-fil-A means “I’m married – to my first wife, fella!” Gay marriage? Sweet Jesus, an abomination, worse than a two-week salmonella outbreak in one of Dan’s sandwich joints. What gives an undeniably successful fast food dude like Dan the purported profile to wax less than eloquent about same sex relationships is a bigger mystery than the Chick-fil-A secret recipe – sorry, Colonel Sanders, I confused my chicken magnates. But you get my meaning – Dan Cathy decides to exercise the gift of self-expression, and he is big news, because….?

Yer obedient scribe is pretty firm on these things. Dan can say whatever the hell he wants, period, and I get to assess him. I concluded on the basis of this sole public utterance to have floated northward from the esteemed chicken baron that Dan is, shall we say, a bit of a bozo. I have never eaten a Chick-fil-A or whatever their marketers call their factory farmed fowl, their empire not yet having established an outpost here in Whitby, Ontario. Dan’s stirring version of ‘love thy neighbour’ is not likely to give me much encouragement.

It is here that the humour value really gets stoked. The mayor of Boston vows to keep Chick-fil-A out of his town. Mike Huckabee, whose only cred in my books was secured when he quit the farcical Republican primaries, rallies the loaves and fishes crew to support a ‘Chick-fil-A Day’ for Dan and his Christian soldiers. Flavour of the week – call it chicken!

In a land built on capitalism, surely you largely fine people aren’t this dumb. Let Dan tell the world about the hitherto undervalued relationship between chicken, traditional marriage and, one supposes, the power of fast food restaurant management training as a cure for homosexuality. When thinking people find his views repellent –don’t buy his products. Vote with your wallet!