Channeling His Inner Gingrich: The Bombay [Almost] Bigamist

Sex scandals are so much more fun writing topics when they involve the conservative “holier than thou” set. They certainly are more entertaining than trying to sort out the two years of tax returns Mitt Romney has not kept secret from We the “You People.”  They happen frequently enough so that they no longer evoke a Jimmy Swaggart “come to Jesus” televised weep fest, but only a run from reporters.

Enter one evangelical author, conspiracy filmmaker, and freshly-resigned The King’s College Prez Dinesh D’Souza. He is the latest “family values” conservative with “gal on the side” problems. D’Souza’s film, 2016: Obama’s America, did haul in a few dozen millions from Birthers at box offices, before some mega-churches decided they want to play “chicken” with the the Internal Revenue Code by giving D’Souza’s flick a second run in their wholesale-sized “houses of worship.”

While D’Souza ditches missus Dixie after two decades of matrimony, a relative eternity for the ex-House Speaker, zoo maven, and wannabe Moon President Newt Gingrich, I’m sure Newt would understand the trade-in temptation for a younger model.  Timing is everything, particularly in announcing the fiancee before the first marriage’s divorce papers are filed. Dumped Dixie D’Souza’s divorce lawyer smells fresh blood in the water. Feeding frenzy in the D’Souza portfolio.

Twentysomething, size zero Denise Odie Joseph II  looks barely old enough to be a student at sugar daddy Dinesh’s Christian-themed now ex-employer, The King’s College in Manhattan. Don’t these institutions tout “moral” codes of conduct and hokey “abstinence contracts”? When did we start numbering female iterations of a family name? Even Newt’s serial mates had their own names.

While it’s a bit early in the liturgical calendar for Advent themes, I’m sure there was “no room at the [Comfort] Inn” near the Christian book conference in the Carolinas, so D’Souza and the almost-half-his-age “fiancee” had to share a room.   Did they pray before the biblical bunking? Exciting games of checkers? Parcheesi? “Nothing happened?” As Austin Powers’ Dr. Evil said: “Rrrriiiggghhhtt.”

I’m a straight guy. With an AARP card. I frankly couldn’t imagine being able to understand a mate who didn’t didn’t live through the era of Woodstock and the Ford Pinto. Gals who probably first danced to the Macarena in elementary school? Act your age, Dinesh, not the sum of your shoe and hat sizes.

Were D’Souza to “adopt” Ms. Joseph first, I would be telling the Woody Allen jokes. Women my age would simply give a disapproving chorus of “Ewwwww!”

Reading between the lines in this tawdry scandal, conservative teavangelical insider infighting better resembles the 1934 Night of the Long Knives purge in Germany than “brotherly love.”

The social conservative crowd becomes even less believable when their lives demonstrate “talking the talk” sans “walking the walk.” How ‘bout those “family values?”.