Louie, Louie, oh, no…The Stellar Legislative Career of Louie Gohmert

Just as the 1978 film, National Lampoon’s Animal House had the fun-loving Delta frat give the 1955 Richard Berry hit a new lease on chart life at a Toga party, loony Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Tex.) again plays the fool. On the taxpayers’ dime. Despite Election Day losses, old Right-wing fantasies keep popping back up. Modern-day  political fisherman’s tales just involve ever-larger fanciful fish.

Poring through the Congressional Record is necessary drudgery. Watching C-SPAN gets painful fast. Ah,  it goes with the trade, but we  journalists talk, and the labors of finding the Emperor’s latest wardrobe malfunctions is a shared effort.

For the less Beltway afflicted, our low-teens approval rating Congress does, in fact, join hands across the aisle and pass bills by resounding majorities, from time to time. This time, a bill to excise the outdated and injurious term “lunatic” from Federal law, “and for other purposes.”  Those “other purposes” usually involve naming a small post office in Pig’s Knuckle, Ark.. Hardly earth-shattering stuff.

One “Nay” vote: Gohmert. Makes one remember lonely isolationist Rep. Jeannette Rankin (R-Mont.)’s sole vote against going to war the day after Pearl Harbor in 1941.

“I am not making this up.” - Dave Barry

Gohmert, the “pro-life” conservative who warned us about the peril of wee “terror babies,” climbed atop his silly Potomac Paranoia Plaza soapbox last week, accusing President Obama of crawling in the sack with al Queda over multinational support of dethroning the late Libyan strongman Moummar Gaddafi. One could cynically cite a “biological clock” to explain his behavior, but there is a chromosomal difference between Gohmert and Sarah Palin. Snowmobile Barbie gets paid better to periodically spout nonsense from her igloo on Fox “News.” Gohmert had to settle for Islamic conspiracy theorist Frank Gaffney and his own Congressional paycheck.

A few notable “highlights” from Gohmert’s stellar legislative career:

Fluid friction warmth from Alaska pipeline promotes Caribou rutting. “Family values,” Louie?

Attributing the tragic Aurora, Colo. mass shootings to a lack of Judeo-Christian principles, and not enough yahoo recreational Rambos with concealed weapons.

Gohmert and a few conservative boy toys of failed Presidential wannabe Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) sent letters to agency inspector generals warning about the alleged  “Islamic influence” of State Dept. aide Huma Abedin’s dead relatives.  Even Republicans rapidly beat a path towards sanity to distance themselves from that madcap McCarthyesque call to inquisition.

On the “lunatic” roll call, even Rep. Bachmann didn’t vote on the bill. Maybe she had another headache, or was desperately tracking down sashaying “pray away the gay” hubby Marcus again on the lam from the family closet in Stillwater. One would think after Mindless Michele’s last Election Day razor-thin close call, she would at least try to show up for work more often.

I’m certain Gohmert cheered on the Tea Party types pointing at President Obama’s middle name of “Hussein.” Louie’s middle name: “Buller.” Touché.

I’d have preferred the citizens of Tyler, Texas to have voted to secede from the Union, rather than keep sending loony Louie Gohmert to Washington as a standing joke.