Who They Are

“What if your son is gay?”

Most people just chuckle uncomfortably when my son tells them about his love of princesses and tiaras and all things “fancy”. But some rude people actually ask me this question outright. What if your son is gay?

Usually I just shrug my shoulders and say, “then he is.”

But the answer isn’t really that simple, is it?

I should start with this: He is four. He not anything right now. Just four.

Yes he loves Sofia the First, but he also loves Spiderman. Yes he thinks dresses are “fancy” and he has allowed the girls at daycare to put him in one from time to time, but he also thinks his Chuck Norris “punch” shirt is the coolest thing on the planet. And yes, he loves to wear my shoes, but he also loves to wear his daddy’s hat and use his power tools.

He is four.

His interests do not pigeon-hole him into a sexuality. Playing with Barbie Dolls will not “turn him” gay just as showering him with Hot Wheels will not “keep him” straight.

But what if he is gay?

First of all, as his mother I ask, “So what?”

I won’t love him less or disown him if that is what the question askers want to know.

My expectations of him won’t change.  Our rules won’t change. How we love him won’t change.

Our views on same-sex marriage and equal rights won’t change either, although if he wanted us to, we would become even more involved than we already are in fighting for those rights.

We will probably embarrass him in front of a boyfriend just like we would with a girlfriend.  We would still have the same Big Talk with him because he still needs to know where babies come from.

We would still encourage him to bring any questions or concerns or thoughts to us if he needs to talk it out.

It would be easy to love him because we already do.

The hard part would be watching all that he would have to go up against in this world.

The heartbreaking part would not be who he is, but how the world is.

For over a decade I have been a safe haven for students to come out to and talk to. I have heard some tragic stories of rejection and hate.

I don’t want that for my son.

I don’t want that for him if he is gay, straight, or otherwise.

My sons are going to have their hearts broken in their life no matter what. That is a fact of life.

But it won’t be because their parents don’t accept who they are.

And who they are right now are two little boys who don’t care about gender stereotypes and just like to have fun.

Blue toenails, Aquaman tattoo, and Legos.

Blue toenails, Aquaman tattoo, and Legos.