GOP: Bring Out Your Dead.

“I’m not dead yet!” – Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Perhaps I should be tiring of this country’s endless campaigns. As a political columnist, it does mean the well never runs dry for source material.

Rick Santorum

Ex-Sen. and flopped wannabe Presidential candidate Rick Santorum (R-Opus DUH!) appeared on Meet the Press yesterday, “Rooster” Santorum, as his Penn State frat dubbed him, is the hapless, Not-Ready-For-Prime-Time performer who somehow escapes the reach of the old Vaudeville hooked cane. A busy boy, he took a gig making bible-thumping flicks in Texas, Rick “Gov. Goodhair” Perry’s stomping grounds, when he wasn’t trooping around Iowa leaving perilous photo ops involving corn dogs to Michele and Marcus Bachmann hinting at a 2016 run for the White House, lambasting all things as President Obama’s fault, as usual. “Frothy” got all, well, “frothy” about beating the Benghazi horse. Had Rick been dubbed Pope instead of that Brazilian dude, he would have simply restarted the Crusades, or at least launched a remake of the Spanish Inquisition. Yes, Santorum “hinted” at another stab, with all the demure coquettishness of Sarah Palin in drag.

Maybe they will do a remake of the creationist meme production where biblical characters had pet dinosaurs. Nevada Tea Bagger Sharron Angle (R) has some experience hawking those productions among the “fire and brimstone” set. I don’t know how close box office came to costs, but I can bet Goldman Sachs won’t be featuring them in another of their commercials.

Methinks Sharron is still buried in that desert survivalist bunker after the Mr. Whipple Senator, Harry Reid  (D-Nev.), stomped down the covering soil in the 2010 election. Angle’s frazzled national GOP advisors have all had enough time to emerge from the Betty Ford Clinic’s 12-step program.

While Democrats have been squirming over Weinergate, a bumbling political career Lazarus schtick which could only be attempted in New Yawk City, Republicans never seem to learn that sequels rarely measure up.

Alas, we’ll see some new players in the predictably tired, old Party of Lincoln Navigator Mega-SUV 2016 primary. Unless there’s a concurrent book tour, we probably won’t see Newt Gingrich with Star Wars Death Star helmet head Callista, Our Lady of Tiffany’s. Jeb Bush doesn’t have a note from his mother letting him go on the campaign trail field trip. “I Love Lucy” DVD sets are probably in the works to capitalize on a Marco Rubio or Ted Cruz foray. Rand Paul will be there, with the niche market of an old Ayn Rand novel reprint.  Ann R-money is still weepy, nagging Bishop Mitt to do something about the Washington Post Fact Checker Pinocchios cluttering the new LaJolla manse underground car park. Rick Perry still winces at the Wrath of Anita, which consigned him to sleeping on the couch, and Herman Cain’s pizza has gotten stale. “Nein, Nein, Nein!

Ready or not, let the games begin. The airsickness bags are in the seat pocket in front of you.

 



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