Friday News Roundup

Those of you familiar with this scribe know that I follow the news diligently. Some stories in particular caught my attention this week so I now present to you Patrick’s Friday News Roundup. Authorities rescued a 7-foot alligator found in an Ohio man’s basement. The alligator is malnourished, has bone disease from a lack of sun for 15 years and, thanks to teenagers taunting him, hates teenagers.… [Read more]

Did Romney and his Horrible Sons Kidnap Two Nice Doggies?

Applying the same journalistic standards as the Daily Caller and the Washington Times in their reporting of the Robert Menendez story yesterday morning, we at the Patriot-Ombudsman can now reveal the shocking truth that will certainly bring Mitt Romney’s campaign to the screeching halt it has already seemed to have screeched to.

Two Ohio Irish Setters from the Toledo, Ohio area, claim that Mitt Romney took them from their yards, forced them into doggie carriers, had his five sons tie them to the top of the campaign bus and drive up and down the Ohio Turnpike until they soiled themselves in fear.… [Read more]

‘Un-American’ Laws Rising on American Soil

Call it coincidence, or something else, but it looks like the closer the existing federal government gets to the next Presidential elections, the harder things are becoming for animals in America. Don’t be misled into thinking that this scribe is getting sarcastic here — “animals” here means what it has literally meant all along. Hard indeed it is not to notice the frequency as well as gravity of the new laws churned out of the legislative machinery with the President’s signature.… [Read more]