Mitt Romney: Zombie Candidate for 2016?

Chances are, the last time you saw Mitt Romney it was when he was on TV giving his concession speech or, days later, when a photo of the disheveled looking former presidential candidate was snapped as he pumped his own gas. This, it seemed, is what it looks like when someone’s political career is over. When they don’t care anymore if their hair is perfect, if their face is stuck in a perma-grin, or if they’re stuck doing menial chores that they wouldn’t have had to do as leader of the free world.… [Read more]

GOP: Bring Out Your Dead.

“I’m not dead yet!” – Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Perhaps I should be tiring of this country’s endless campaigns. As a political columnist, it does mean the well never runs dry for source material.

Ex-Sen. and flopped wannabe Presidential candidate Rick Santorum (R-Opus DUH!) appeared on Meet the Press yesterday, “Rooster” Santorum, as his Penn State frat dubbed him, is the hapless, Not-Ready-For-Prime-Time performer who somehow escapes the reach of the old Vaudeville hooked cane.… [Read more]

Death and Taxes

April has come and gone, and virtually all of us have dutifully filed a tax return or an extension. The anti-tax mob hasn’t gone anywhere. Somebody’s going to have to pay the tab, according to their means. Despite the sequester that wasn’t supposed to be, replete with “For special friends of Rick’s” special interest mulligans, the bugaboo of taxation hasn’t left us.… [Read more]

CPAC 2013: ‘Crazy birds’ Flock

“If standing for the Constitution, standing for liberty, standing for conservative values makes one a wacko bird … then I am pleased that birds of a feather flock together.”  – Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Little Havana)

Viewed as a 2016 rising star, the freshman senator from Florida accomplished in one short speech, calling liberals “freeloaders,” what unsuccessful 2012 Presidential wannabe Mitt “Mitt WHO?” Romney (R-Bain) labored several years to get ineptly caught at with his infamous “47%” secretly videotaped, campaign scuttling, fundraiser remark.… [Read more]

Beware of elephants bearing ‘gifts’

So the Republican-controlled House of Representatives proposed a $982 billion bill to fund the government for the rest of the fiscal year instead of more brinksmanship.  Before we start dancing in the streets, and name a few golf courses and watering holes  after House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio), the devil is again in the details.

As a former Federal agency budget analyst and before that, a military comptroller, we need to look beyond the spin platitudes and delve into the numbers.… [Read more]

The Year of the GOP Snake

“Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?” –Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

By the Chinese calendar, 2013 ought to have been a banner year for conservatives. As crestfallen Ann Romney soaks up tears with Kleenex bought by the carload at Costco, and Karl Rove squirms at megadonor angst over Crossroads GPS’ lame  batting average in November’s election, Republican delusions of a 2010 redux string of victories evaporated almost as quickly as Sarah Palin’s and Dick Morris’ fat Fox News paychecks.… [Read more]

Let me in, Immigration Man.

In a nation of immigrants, since the first landed on Plymouth Rock, each wave of new wannabe Americans were all too keen to slam the door behind them. The early natives probably weren’t happy with our forefathers trying to swindle and exterminate them from their land. The early immigrants came waving their bibles; these days, if your name is Jesus, they want to see your Green Card hoping to deport you.… [Read more]

Dear Media: Get Mitt Romney Off My Television NOW!

This is the final time I should have seen Mitt Romney on my television screen….

But noooo! Election Day is over, the polls are closed, the pundits have moved on to the fiscal cliff. And Mitt Romney is coping with his loss by eating take-out turkey. Why do I know this? Because when it comes to Romney’s post-election life, mainstream media clearly drank the Kool-Aid.… [Read more]

Shed those holiday dinner pounds: ‘Inauguration Lite’ Suggested for the POTUS

There are perfectly logical topics which simply bring out my “inner wiseguy.” It was a long campaign. In his entirely sensible piece on NPR bringing up whether, as it is a reelection and we have this sizable umpteen-trillion dollar deficit, Linton Weeks wrote, perhaps we could trim some of the pomp and circumstance from a usual American Presidential inauguration.… [Read more]

Politisk Komedie (Norsk: Political Comedy)

How, pray tell, did we ever survive America’s endless campaigns without comedy?  Even those Michele Bachmann jokes didn’t make themselves up all on their own. Do we have to make it an Olympic sport?In 1968, The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour  got the first broadcast chuckles started with “Pat Paulsen for President.” I can remember, and have the AARP card to prove it.… [Read more]

Even More Schadenfreude: Karl Rove Going Down for the Third Time

Political strategists come and go like football coaches, sliding into obscurity when their team loses, but this guy? Karl Rove? He’s been doing this since the 1970s! In all that time, he’s invented more dirty tricks than Nixon! Hell — he practically coined the phrase, “that’s our story and we’re sticking to it.”… [Read more]

Taking the Low Road

As an ultra sensitive artist, I take things personally. In the natural course of events, I am sometimes able to purge my anger, and sometimes not. And lately, I’ve had to absorb a lot of crap from the news, and sometimes from people who used to be my friends.… [Read more]

Election 2012: *points and snickers*

Since President Obama’s reelection Tuesday night, Republicans’ reflections on their embarrassing loss, ironically, have been a reflection of the exact reasons why they lost.  In the aftermath, the $400,000,000 question is this: Who lost the election? Conservamoderate Mitt Romney or the Party itself?

First, I feel compelled to disabuse the premise. Barack Obama won the Presidential election.… [Read more]

Post-Election Fallout: The Night of the Long Knives, Part Deux

“This evil organization will not tolerate failure!”  ~ Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery

As a political columnist, I perversely relish morning-after losing side recriminations. As the old ABC Wide World of Sports intro script went: “And the agony of defeat,” whilst showing a clip of why sane people don’t generally tend to take up ski jumping.… [Read more]

Campaign Overindulgence: Reaffirming the Need for Common Sense Campaign Finance Laws

“Americans. Always overdressing for the wrong occasions.”  ~ Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark

One of the recurring, yet oft-debunked, Republican attack fibs was that President Obama made an “apology” tour. After this overly drawn out, and multi-billion dollar campaign season, I decided to apologize to the world for this unnecessarily excessive and flag-draped circus disguised as democracy.… [Read more]

Finally….Election Day is Over and the Nation Looks Forward

One of the things that I get to explain to inquisitive European friends is that America’s several time zones make for a very long Election Night. Despite pre-election web-surfed emigre house shopping moments between a nice seven-figure flat on Oslo’s stylish Bygdøy allé and a nice fjord view house on the slopes of Holmenkollen, there probably isn’t a winning lottery ticket in the pile on my desk to bail to Norway with.… [Read more]

Vote!

Enough said.… [Read more]

Hockey and ‘High Noon’

So….America races to ‘High Noon’ today, and the world awaits the victorious gunslinger, their weapons of choice these past weeks less than compelling rhetoric and billion dollar PAC-driven smoke machines. Will it be honest, but utterly unfulfilled aspiration given a reluctant second chance, or does the apparent retrogression to ‘trickle down’ and a written off 47% carry the day?… [Read more]

Mitt Romney: The “Post Truth” Candidate…An apple that fell far from its tree

Years ago, Mitt Romney’s father, George, noted that it should be a given that candidates running for president should release multiple years of tax returns. George Romney released 12 years of returns. His son, today, hasn’t followed that tradition. Mitt and his wife, think similarly on that issue as Ann said that they’ve given “all you people need to know.”

George and Mitt Romney: The Apple Has Fallen Far From the Tree

Years ago, George Romney was said to be — whether one agreed with him or not — a transparent man of principle.… [Read more]

Did Romney and his Horrible Sons Kidnap Two Nice Doggies?

Applying the same journalistic standards as the Daily Caller and the Washington Times in their reporting of the Robert Menendez story yesterday morning, we at the Patriot-Ombudsman can now reveal the shocking truth that will certainly bring Mitt Romney’s campaign to the screeching halt it has already seemed to have screeched to.

Two Ohio Irish Setters from the Toledo, Ohio area, claim that Mitt Romney took them from their yards, forced them into doggie carriers, had his five sons tie them to the top of the campaign bus and drive up and down the Ohio Turnpike until they soiled themselves in fear.… [Read more]