Instead of IDs, Let’s Focus on Voter IQs

For me, Election Day has always been akin to the Super Bowl. I always know I’ll have a team competing for the ultimate prize. As a Jets fan, this hasn’t been the case since 1970. I wasn’t eligible for personhood in 1970. But my excitement level goes into overdrive when it’s time to elect a president. The primaries are like the playoffs. The debates usually disappoint, kind of like a halftime show. But when the first Tuesday in November rolls around, I make sure my ID is in pocket – my ticket to the big game.

Of course, I don’t really need an ID. I simply go to my polling place, help the nice volunteer find my address in the rolls, and scan my vote. I miss pulling the lever but I digress. Amid the hubbub about mandatory voter registration, I must confess to being a bit conflicted. There is no doubt conservatives are pushing these laws to suppress the marginalized, Democratic vote. They aren’t even being subtle about it. Yet, I can understand the need to heighten security in this post-9/11, War on Terror, Zombie Apocalypse world. Maybe there should be some kind of a litmus test, some type of qualification to merit exercising your constitutional right to vote. A Voter IQ card.

Image: Mad Magazine’s Alfred E. Newman + ClipArt

The voter IQ card would be required before an individual could partake in the electoral process. It would ensure that the entire voting populace had some semblance of a brain. It would suppress the stupid and, with any luck, mandate that fairly intelligent public officials represent us in local districts, state houses, and government offices.

Voter IQ card distribution would be a pass/fail system. By approving mandatory Voter IQ card legislation, the election process would improve in the following ways:

  • If you believe in science and evolution, you pass. If you believe the Earth is 5000 years old, you fail.
  • If you believe doctors should provide honest patient care, you pass. If you believe physicians should be allowed to lie to their patients, you fail.
  • If you think the wealth/poverty disparities in this country could eventually lead to economic ruin, you pass. If you live in a hut in Alabama and think trickle-down policies will eventually work for you, you fail.

The Voter IQ card would be controversial. The GOP would certainly rail against it as an attempt to marginalize their base. But effective democracies rely on informed decision-making. When electing the next Leader of the Free World, it’s kind of critical to pick the right one. With great power comes great responsibility. Let’s make sure that responsibility is placed in capable hands. Let’s pass the Voter IQ card.



  1. You are preaching to the choir here, Brooklyn Dame– you and I are totally on the same page. Unless people wise up, we can kiss our democracy good-bye I fear.

    • Brooklyn Dame says

      *Shudder*. The person who can figure out what it will take to get people to stop voting against their own best interests will be a gazillionaire. Thanks, Packrat!


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