Gas Prices Are High. Boo F-ing Hoo

I have never driven a car. I have never had even the slightest urge to learn to drive a car. How truly un-American of me. Un-American and extremely considerate; I would be the worst driver ever to grace the front of a steering wheel. I think I would have three panic attacks trying to buckle the seat belt. But I digress. Let’s get back to my less than patriotic stance on steering, which ties into my less than nationalistic view of this dopey gas prices debate. If I hear one more pundit from the Right, Center or Left bitch and moan about how unspeakably high a tank of unleaded is, he or she just might compel me to do some serious damage at the Coney Island bumper car track. Yes, Middle-America, you’re absolutely right. Gas prices are astronomically high. So is the cost of major metropolitan public transportation but, oh I forgot, politicians don’t care about city dwellers. They know we’re far too rational.

If you’ve been reading my blogs, (Thank you) then you know that I’m a New Yorker. I brave the trains every day. I’m one of those subway-loving elitists Newt Gingrich loves to scream about.  My commute costs $90 to $110 each month. Yes, Middle-America, you’re absolutely right. That’s much less than your commute. How do I know this? Because you’re constantly complaining about it. It’s like your pain has more value than mine, than other major metropolitan snobs. It’s almost as if your pain is entirely more American.

And it is, right? What’s more American than the almighty car? NOTHING. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Well, maybe one thing and it’s not apple pie. It’s the idea of the Great American Work Ethic. Well, it’s Halftime in America, folks. It’s Tebow Time. The U.S. of A is coming back and the resurging job market is proof of it. What does the jobs rebound have to do with gas prices? Maybe nothing. Or maybe everything.

Even the most stubborn Republican will admit that the job market is on the uptick. Yes, Middle-America, hiring managers are becoming your friend again. You’re back in the saddle. You’re heading to work. You’re filling up your Fords, your Buicks, your Toyotas (darn foreigner) and kickin’ it 9 to 5 style. Supply and demand.

Maybe, and I admit I’m no economist, but just maybe the reason you’re feeling the pump pain is because you now have a reason to buy gas. You need to drive. You need to drive to work. God damn job market.

Yes, Middle-America, All of America, gas prices are high. But so are the fares for the MTA in New York, the MBTA in Boston, the BART in San Francisco, and every other mode of public transportation. Actually having to feel that pain, having to buy that tank, having to fill that Metrocard, may not be the worst thing in the world.


Cartoon/Image: Matson,


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