Paging Sherlock Holmes

‘Eliminate all other factors, and the one which remains must be the truth.’  ~  Sherlock Holmes The Sign of the Four

Where is the legendary detective Sherlock Holmes when we need him? There’s a vast mystery to be solved, my friends – the mystery of Mitt Romney and the Missing Tax Returns.

So far, the Romneys have steadfastly refused to do what very nearly every other presidential candidate has done: release several years of their tax returns. President Obama has released ten years of his tax returns. Former Delaware Senator and now Vice President Joe Biden has released fourteen years. Conservative icon Ronald Reagan released six years worth. Even dastardly Dick Cheney released eight years of his returns.

That, of course, begs the obvious question: what is Mitt Romney hiding? There has already been plenty of speculation about just what exactly is in those conspicuously un-released tax returns. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid claims to have it on good authority that the Romneys have paid zero income taxes for the last several years. Others, including myself, based on the knowledge that Mittens had a Swiss bank account and investments in the notorious offshore tax havens of the Cayman Islands and Bermuda, find ourselves wondering if perhaps Mitt has eleventy billion dollars squirreled away somewhere presently – or that perhaps he took advantage of the “amnesty” offered by the IRS so ultra-wealthy Americans who had illegally stashed their money off the books in bank accounts in Switzerland for the nefarious purpose of avoiding paying federal income taxes could come clean – no harm, no foul.

Mittens has taken a beating now for the last several weeks from the media and several prominent conservative pundits and strategists, who have urged him to come clean and release his taxes. In mid-July, perennial Congressman and presidential candidate Ron Paul urged Romney to release his tax returns; around the same time, a majority of Americans polled wanted the Romneys to release their tax returns.

Mitt and Ann are standing pat, trotting out their memorized excuse lines time after time and word for word that the Obama campaign would “distort” and “lie” about the information in their tax returns, and today, Ann Romney, with tight lips and sparks shooting out of her eyes, very, very emphatically spat out to interviewer Natalie Morales when she was asked about the returns, “We have been very transparent to what’s legally required of us. But the more we release, the more we get attacked. There’s going to be no more tax releases given.” Ann managed to pull herself together before she lost her temper – but there was a moment there when it felt like she was going to go all Leona Helmsley on us and tell us that the tax laws were for “you people” – or something like that.

Thus, my call for the fabled Sherlock Holmes. I want to know what’s in those tax returns. I’m not alone in thinking that there is something devastating to Mitt Romney’s presidential candidacy buried in those tax returns. In fact, I suspect that what would come to light if Sherlock Holmes cracked the case of the missing tax returns is something that would end Mitt Romney’s political career forever. So, America, the game is afoot.

And finally, here’s something for Mitt and Ann to keep in mind, a quote from the great man himself:

‘What one man can invent another can discover.’  ~ Sherlock Holmes The Adventure of the Dancing Men


  1. Holmes is one of the most popular characters in radio, movies, books, television, magazines, etc. In order to define the mind of Sherlock Holmes, you must understand the mind of his creator, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Doyle was a complex man, considered by some to be eccentric due to his preoccupation with spiritualists
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