Maybe it’s just sleep deprivation, hunger pangs, and the stress of an impending eviction talking, but I think I’ve lost all faith in humanity. Not that this is anything new for me; in fact, it’s pretty much been my default state for as long as I can remember, a hellhound on my trail, my very own personal dark cloud following me everywhere I go, raining misanthropy down on my head in an unending torrent. Consultations with a shrink, a reiki energy specialist and a shaman, countless hours of meditation, and the study of Zen Buddhism, Positive Mental Attitude and various forms of activism have provided me the kind of superficial relief that only comes in parenthetical fits and starts. Whatever I do, I cannot escape the conclusion that humanity is its own worst enemy (not to mention the worst enemy of everything and everyone else on the planet).
So fuck it, man! Why not have some fun with this? That’s essentially all I’ve been doing for the past 7 months by writing this column. I’m not up for making my friends and loved ones worry about my mental state any more than they already do, and I can’t afford therapy, so now it’s up to you, dear reader, to take the brunt of my sick worldview. Thanx! You rule.
I lack hope for us because we’re such creatures of habit. It seems like we’re always finding new ways to refuse to learn from our history, only to get up in arms when the same mistakes get made over and over again. And it seems like our most popularly repeated mistake is the playing of the blame game, pulling the us-versus-them card whenever we’re too scared to admit that we don’t have the answers, only to resent the objects of our blame when they boomerang the blame right back over to us. As much as I’d like to see the Reaganistic-capitalist-misogynist-homophobic oligarchy get stomped out, I don’t see how it would ultimately change anything; they’d then just become the new disenfranchised class and rise up against the rest of us and the fighting would continue unabated.
Leaving rivalries aside, I can’t think of any well-intentioned uprising that didn’t leave the people most in need behind. The French Revolution was just some bourgeois intellectuals making the peasants do the grunt work while they chilled out and wrote manifestos. Communism killed more people than the Nazis. The feminist and gay rights movements were spawned in large part because those groups felt snubbed by the hetero-male-dominated leadership of the hippies. America, the land of “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” and “all men are created equal” is now a thinly disguised plutocratic dystopia.
We don’t know any better, and we don’t want to know, because that would mean having to admit that we’re wrong about something, that we’re in over our heads. We would rather kill ourselves in slow motion than let go of the last word.
And that, in a nutshell, is why I think we all suck.
I’m taking the next three weeks off from BNV. The search for new digs is squeezing me dry, but more importantly, I’m taking my hard-earned malaria money and financing a tour down south. Hopefully, by the time I leave Florida, I will have found the perfect beach to prematurely retire to, along with a killer gold watch, polyester track suit and metal detector. And hopefully I’ll return to DC a little more relaxed.