Campaign Overindulgence: Reaffirming the Need for Common Sense Campaign Finance Laws

“Americans. Always overdressing for the wrong occasions.”  ~ Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark

One of the recurring, yet oft-debunked, Republican attack fibs was that President Obama made an “apology” tour. After this overly drawn out, and multi-billion dollar campaign season, I decided to apologize to the world for this unnecessarily excessive and flag-draped circus disguised as democracy.

As with a bleary-eyed New Year’s Day morning, or a company picnic where we goosed the boss’ matronly missus, in Campaign 2012, we frankly overdid it. No need to reach for the Ginsu hari-kari knives advertised on late night Cable TV, nor ponder joining the French Foreign Legion under a raffish nom de guerre; it’s time to reflect and recover. There’s a difference between drinking the nectar of democracy and freedom, and doing the lurching limbo under the beer keg tap without a mug.

Hello? Unlike the Weltanschauung (world view) from a kitchen window in Wasilla, this isn’t the only first-world democracy on the planet. A puppy mill in Missouri will never be the Promised Land. As it has been 236 years since the Declaration of Independence, we really ought to “act our age” instead of gobbling Viagra and making a few extra passes with that underarm-applied, extra-potency testosterone supplement.

I doubt that I was the only columnist to want Karl Rove violated in prison after the Super PAC dark money carpet bombing of the airwaves with attack ads. Let’s not forget putz billionaires Sheldon Adelson and the Koch Brothers squandering their fortunes for naught. Rep. Todd Akin (R-Mo.) will have plenty of time in January to determine if they are “legitimate rapes.”  Failed Senate candidate Richard Mourdock might just proffer some twisted sort of divine intent. None of them has to worry about becoming pregnant. I won’t even go into where they would stick the transvaginal probe.

Image via Flickr/Patrick Gensel

Anyone who took a Business Law course learns that corporations are only constructive, make-believe “persons.” Even Texas hasn’t executed a corporation yet. This giveaway to the shadowy rich didn’t work with Thurston Howell IV on Gilligan’s Island. Lovey Howell handled things with more panache than Ann Romney. Corporations are NOT people.

Among the things we thought we learned in the twentieth century was that common sense campaign finance laws benefitted the nation and did not diminish anyone’s “freedom.” With the President’s reelection and an enlarged Democratic majority in the Senate, filing upcoming Supreme Court vacancies will dilute the Right-wing toxicity of  ideologues Anthony Scalia, Samuel “Scalito” Alito, and Koch surrogate Clarence Thomas.  Campaign finance is broken, and needs fixing, pronto.

The nonsense that “government is the problem” is a concept as dead as Ronald Reagan himself. Few things run in “automatic” mode. My back yard is an example of the pitfalls of inept “natural law” gardening. Other democracies have sensible campaign rules, agencies, and election processes. They are run by civil servants with Day-Timers about as scintillating as watching grass grow.  We used to encourage citizens to participate in their government and vote.  The last batch of tea-drunk Republican governors and legislators tried every trick in the book to keep “you people” away from the ballot box. Many didn’t survive judicial review. That pesky “constitution” thingy. Virtually every bona fide case of “voter fraud” came from Republicans. “Feet on the ground” did what blizzards of bucks couldn’t.

America really needs to reaffirm time-tested common sense campaign finance laws. I, for one, would prefer a Hennessy hangover than to hear the name of a Super PAC ever again.

Campaign 2012 is in the history books. Let’s live and learn.



  1. […] Rove? He’s been doing this since the 1970s! In all that time, he’s invented more dirty tricks than Nixon! Hell — he practically coined the phrase, “that’s our story and […]

  2. […] Oh, Republicans were fine when the Nixon Administration spied on Americans opposed to the unpopular morass in Vietnam forty years ago. Sixty years ago, they cheered as the infamous lush Sen, Joe McCarthy (R-Wisc.) grilled alleged ‘Communists’ in the State Department and in Hollywood. The Dubya Bush Administration had no qualms about siccing the taxman on folks opposed to the multi-trillion dollar Afghanistan and Iraq misadventures, or the NAACP. For those of us who didn’t last long in the matrimony game, “That’s different” doesn’t apply to tea bags purchased by the billionaire Loonytarian Koch Bros. […]