Michele Bachmann, “She’s Baaaaaaacck!”

After squeaking out what she thought was a cake walk to reelection in November, Tea Party doyenne Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) reminded us the obstructionist 112th Congress is not dead and buried. This columnist does have a gaffe search list for daily use, with Bachmann near the top, but our Michele has been uncharacteristically quiet of late.

Perhaps she had a headache.

Just in case you might have hoped that the 113th Congress might have some hope of actually governing, Rep. Bachmann took the House NASCAR coveted pole position with the first bill in the GOP-controlled House of Representatives to try and snuff the Affordable Care Act (a.k.a.: “Obamacare.”) Again. This 36th attempt to maintain the health insurers’ unfettered gravy train Disneyland pirate ship ride over Americans’ wellness has about the same likelihood of passage into law as a Norwegian Arbeiderpartiet (Labour Party) friend smuggling in an Oslo snowball for her winter vacation in the sunny Canary Islands.

Yes indeedy, World Net (Wing Nut) Daily’s “Woman of the Year” miraculously managed to hang on to her seat, despite a haplessly failed Presidential campaign. Despite slamming her Democratic opponent, millionaire hotelier Jim Graves, for being “rich,” our Michele might have paused for a moment between decrying “class warfare” and filing a House ethics report showing that she was also a millionaire with a nice, new, FHA-mortgaged house on a golf course. Drama Queen Bachmann managed to sneak in a swipe at President Obama for allowing a Congressional pay raise. Even Fang the Basset Hound here knows better than to bite the hand that feeds.

Perhaps we ought to count ourselves fortunate that this week’s “fiscal cliff” follies didn’t force us to hear why the College of William and Mary ought to have a factory recall program for defective L.L.M. (Taxation) degrees in Bachmann’s case. Her understudy, House Majority Deputy Whip Rep. Marsha “Bluegrass Bachmann” Blackburn (R-Tenn.), was there to sing Michele’s loony lines about the “House’s work being done.” The financial markets ultimately breathed a Dow-raising sigh of relief when, in a brief show of bipartisanship, adult legislators didn’t let the tea-drunk fundamentalists drive the nation over the cliff.

What gregarious gaffes will our Tea Party queen bring us for 2013?  Her 2012 record will be hard to beat.

The Congressional Record shows that Bachmann at least showed up for work to vote. Given her reelection campaign was hobbled by her inept “Presidential” campaign was more important to Michele than earning her paycheck for her constituents, we should take our “miracles” when we can get them. Late night comedy writers have mouths to feed at home too.

The U.S. Capitol Police are probably dreading calls from Bachmann’s office now that freshman Prada socialist Rep. Kyrsten Sinema (D-Ariz.) has come to town. The  Minnesota Republican gadfly has a long-standing phobia of lesbians, and as Rep. Sinema is openly bisexual, Michele might want to know if her conservative “christian virtue” might be imperiled by a trip to the potty. Methinks the problem actually lay in Ms. Sinema having better legal credentials than Bachmann, despite being twenty years younger.

Cue comedian Jimmy Fallon’s house band’s intro music. She’s baaaaaaacck.




  1. If those frequent migraines happened to someone else, Michele might try to convince us that they were sent by the Devil.


  1. […] year was particularly hard on the fortunes of Tea Party doyenne Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.)  After a flop at seeking the Party of No nod for President, and Bachmann’s months of […]