For the Love of God, Give Texas Back to Mexico

This week, the White House dashed the hopes of millions of Americans when it rejected a request for Texas to sever its ties with the U.S. Bad news for the more than 125,000 people who signed the online petition for Texas to secede. Far worse news for the rest of us!

Image: MakeAMeme

My issue with the Lone Star state, aside from the fact that it keeps launching the careers of politicians named Bush, is that Texas is a colossal embarrassment to our country.

Upfront, I concede that not everyone in Texas is a conservative, right-wing nutcase. But the intelligent few in Texas are significantly outnumbered. Like good and hopeful progressives, we can wait for the pendulum to swing back toward the center and for Tea Party idiots full of rage and paranoia to slither back under their rocks. Or we can edge the state of Texas over the border and out of America.

For the record, I harbor no animosity toward Mexico – love the country; love the people; love the food. But the list of reasons for Texas to be expelled grows longer and more outrageous with each day:

• A Houston politician, who’s also a doctor, spoke out against the flu vaccine and voted to reject federal money for childhood vaccinations. This lunacy then took a bizarre turn when the physician – praising the virtue of “natural immunity” – stated he was voting against the measure because, “You don’t die from the flu.”

• Ahead of President Obama’s gun safety proposals, State Rep. Steve Toth (R-TX) proposed legislation making it illegal to enforce a federal gun ban in the state – any federal employee who tried to implement such a ban would be committing a felony. The proposed bill is unconstitutional, as the Constitution mandates that federal law trumps that of states. Still, the bill received the Texas Attorney General’s support. In the Bizarro World of Texas, the state’s highest law enforcement officer would block enforcement of federal laws protected by the Constitution in order to “uphold the Constitution.” Still doubt Texas has a corner on crazy?

• Proudly clinging to their guns, what’s left: the Bible and those Godless public schools. Pushing an ultra-conservative, Christian agenda through textbooks is a well-established practice. So in 2007, the legislature kicked it up a notch by passing a law encouraging Texas schools to teach about the Bible. State law required the Bible courses to be unbiased and academically sound. What could possibly go wrong. The Texas Freedom Network, a watchdog group, found anti-Jewish bias; course materials in numerous classes designed to evangelize rather than provide objective study of the Bible; and one district relying heavily on Bible cartoons from Hanna-Barbera for its high school class.

WHEREAS, Texas has worn out its welcome; and

WHEREAS, the state leads the nation in minimum-wage jobs, uninsured children, high school dropouts, teen pregnancy, and executions; and

WHEREAS, using Austin and great southern barbecue is no longer enough to buy America’s goodwill.

NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED, that it is time to give the land that is currently The State of Texas back to The Republic of Mexico.