House GOP Super Bowl Strategy: “Punt”

It’s probably a good thing the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey circus doesn’t employ one John Boehner of Cincinnati as a lion tamer. In a day when our children’s safe learning environment is trumped by somebody’s archaic Eighteenth century delusion of “firearms freedom,” our Speaker of the House again gets ineptly lashed by his own whip instead of convincing an unruly pride of big-toothed felines.

“Herding cats” is probably more accurate.

The GOP bloviating bugler sounds “retreat” again, this time at the Party of No’s resort vacation “retreat” in Williamsburg, Va., indicating a three-month pause in their plan to hold the American economy hostage again over the debt ceiling. Methinks the uneasy calls from Wall Street donors on speed dial get answered straight away, unlike the party’s sultry pole-swinging striptease to arouse the Tea Bag faithful every two years.

An old joke of the better part of a century ago went along the lines of, “American sailors like whiskey, British sailors prefer rum, but Italian sailors stick to port.” Let’s just say it wasn’t exactly a complement for Italian combat capability. Technologically competitive weapons in the fleet but, as stereotypes would have it, manned with a “I’m a lover, not a fighter” attitude. Ferraris are not bought for the utilitarian commute. Republicans are the party of the rich, so they are at least staying in character, representing those whose “American exceptionalism” puts them more in the Pininfarina-bodied demographic. As the Monty Python lads said, facing the killer rabbit: “Run away!”

The whole “debt ceiling” tactical debate has been a rather silly one for almost a century. It’s as if the GOP boys, and a few token cheerleading gals, go to a tony steakhouse for a colon-clogging gorgeathon, dine, and then drunkenly debate among themselves over creme brulee and snifters of Grand Marnier whether or not to pay the check. The adventuresome might see if they can clumsily tip-toe stagger past the waiter and the beefy guy at the door without paying.

As the FBI and the courts tend to take a dim view of the sport of kidnapping, hostage taking seems to have gone out of fashion. Except for the religious fanatics and political ideologues. It’s doubtful the call would go to SEAL Team SIX  to rescue hostage America from the Republicans in Congress.  My omnivore Basset Hound knows better than to bite the hand that feeds him.  I can count on that beloved snoozing, flop-eared pooch far more than on Congress.

Yes, we have a sizable Federal deficit. It didn’t start yesterday. The deficit hawks’ cuckoo prescription makes as much sense as a NutriSystem Ethiopian Starvation Diet plan. Austerity. For the other guy or gal. Keep the giveaway tax cuts for their rich donors, and leave the unfunded wars on the credit card. “Freedom isn’t free,” after all. Tell the Maitre D’ to give the dinner check to the dishwasher to pay.

I guess actually doing something, instead of whining about zygotes, is a bit much to ask from that conservative rabble on the other side of the aisle.

Too bad those inane “Right to Work” laws don’t apply to the GOP House majority. They have an employment contract. Union rules.