I’m not one to admit when I’m wrong about a thing, however, in the face of undisputed and overwhelming evidence, I have no alternative but to acknowledge I’ve been wrong all of these years. There really is such a thing as reverse racism. And here’s the proof.
It’s true, Blacks, Asians, Hispanics and other people of color can no longer claim a monopoly on persecution. Furthermore, us colored people are just as capable of oppression, racism and xenophobia. It is clearly evident White people can completely relate to being brutalized by the police, stopped and frisked. They completely understand what it feels like to be the only White person working at a fortune 500 company in a management position. To have your every move scrutinized, receive three-fourths the pay of their colored counterparts. And to work three times as hard as them only to be repeatedly overlooked when it comes time for a promotion.
Of course Whites understand how it feels to find that dream home in that dream neighborhood only to be told they don’t qualify for financing or that the home has already been sold to another family. White people know firsthand what it feels like to be told their natural hair isn’t appropriate or professional for the work environment. You white women are constantly overwhelmed at the thought of having to buy afro wigs or turbans to cover your straight hair or get your hair cornrowed every time you interview for a job because you don’t want your credentials or ability to be questioned.
So on behalf of all cullud folk I personally wish to apologize. I now know unequivocally that people of color are not only the sole oppressed people in the world but so are Whites. White people, consider yourselves officially honorary members of the NAAOP (National Association for the Advancement of Oppressed People).
What this means is that you can now have your own month dedicated to the teaching of your unique history and cultural experience in America. You can now get special consideration for jobs to ensure a diverse workforce. You are now eligible for entitlement programs designed specifically for you because you have been marginalized for so many decades. You also get to have statues of your favorite White heroes erected in all the major cities across the U.S. And best of all, you get to elect your first White president of these United States of America. Wait a minute…..you already did.