Ask Mrs. Vera: So, is it time for the voters of Ohio to recall John Boehner?

Dear Mrs. Vera,

So, is it time for the voters of Ohio to recall GOP Speaker of the House, John Boehner?

Regards, Somehow uncertain independent Ohio voter John Q. Public

Dear Junk Pukeblitzer,

Thanks for writing in, yet again, as you begin the long process of letting somebody else eventually make up your State’s mind for you.… [Read more]

Ask Mrs. Vera: Will the Fukushima nuclear plant destroy the world?

Dear Mrs. Vera,

Will the Fukushima nuclear plant destroy the world?

Yours Sincerely, Leó Szilárd, Budapest, Hungary

Dear Louis Lizard and all my troubled readers fearing the end of the world before they ever get to see Belgium up close in person and say “Walloon” a lot,

Don’t panic. Let’s all just quickly, quietly and in an orderly manner proceed to the sub-sub basement while thinking centered thoughts about frolicking, boiling dolphins fleeing the Pacific Ocean, um, er, I mean contented piles of algae growing slowly on the shores of Antarctica, as we make our way to the panic room/world headquarters in our new exciting subterranean mise-en-scene, before finally drawing a deep breath and relaxing.… [Read more]

Ask Mrs. Vera: Should PFC Bradley Manning have received 35 years in jail or a medal?

Dear Mrs. Vera,

Should PFC Bradley Manning have received 35 years in jail or a medal?

Regards, Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn Tunguska Hollow, Cloud Heaven… [Read more]

Ask Mrs. Vera: Would You Rather Be Rich Or Thin?

Dear Mrs. Vera,

Would you rather be rich or thin?

With sincere regards, Cornelius “Commodore” Vanderbilt, De Bilt, Utrecht, Netherlands

Before addressing this week’s overpriced socio-political scoop of cottage cheese on a pretty plate with a picture of a peach printed on it, I must admit up front that I have never truly understood the rank and title of “Commodore,” though I really appreciate the topic.… [Read more]

Ask Mrs. Vera: How come Bank of America pays .01% interest when their profits are up 63%?

Dear Mrs. Vera,

How come Bank of America pays one hundredth of one percent interest when their profits are up 63 percent?

Regards, Henry F. “Mister” Potter, Bedford Falls, NY

Dear Henny HalfPenny Pincher, sorry, I meant Baron Von Bankenstein,… [Read more]

Ask Mrs. Vera: Will Republicans filibuster the right of Democrats to filibuster?

Dear Mrs. Vera,

Will Republicans filibuster the right of Democrats to filibuster, or something?

Regards, Your Friend Flicka The Right Hon. Sen. James Strom Thurmond, ret’d., dec’d. Playtex™ Corporation Maidenform™, Inc. The Senate Republican Caucus Of The Itty Bitty Titty Committeee Mr. Smith… [Read more]

Dear Mrs. Vera: Can Paula Deen redeem herself?

Dear Mrs. Vera,

Can you think of any way that our beloved Paula Deen can redeem herself?

Fondest regards, your friend, Emeril J. Lagasse

Dear Emerald J-Lo Gassy,

You have always been a kind, generous and spicy soul, and it is to your credit that you show compassion to Ms. Deen in what is not her finest hour in the oven or 4 minutes per side in the frying pan.… [Read more]

Ask Mrs. Vera: What will become of America now that the Supreme Court has legalized same sex marriage?

Dear Mrs. Vera,

What will become of America now that the Supreme Court has legalized same sex marriage?

Retrogards, Phyllis McAlpo Stewpot Schlafly

I apologize for the brevity of this week’s column in advance to all those deluging me with wedding etiquette questions, the answer to every single one of which is, A) congratulations and B) The only thing you need to know is that love is love is love, and the fork is worn to the left.… [Read more]

Ask Mrs. Vera: Why Are We Still Looking For Jimmy Hoffa?

Dear Mrs. Vera,

Why do we keep looking for the body of Jimmy Hoffa?

Regards, Eliot Ness

Oh, I get this question all the time – at least two or three times a week. The mailroom of Ask Mrs. Vera is a virtual fire hazard from such inquiries! Unfortunately, all these letters are from the same person and, even worse, are written on a very unattractive, out-of-date and soggy tartan stationary.… [Read more]

Ask Mrs. Vera: Should There Be a Mandatory Retirement Age for the House and Senate?

Dear Mrs. Vera,

Should there be a mandatory retirement age for the House and Senate? This Congressional Afterlife Country Club I joined is letting just anyone and everyone in.  I’m thinking of coming back from the dead and running for office in South Carolina.

Regards, Even though I hate your work and everything about you, The Hoovering-Around-The-Set-Of-A Scooby-Doo™-Cartoon Ghost Of Jesse Helms.… [Read more]