What To Get Your GOP Crush For Valentine’s Day

So it’s Valentine’s Day, and even though you totally decided last week that you LOURVEE [GOP primary candidate] and totally want to go steady with him, you just were too busy and forgot to get the Valentine’s chocolates/card/Super PAC you meant to. Now all you can imagine is him sitting at home alone chugging caviar-covered Haagen Daaz (or whatever rich people eat), sobbing bitterly and ruminating on those sad, sad Elementary years when Joanie McAmerica would pass them by for the older, cooler candidates.… [Read more]