Ask Mrs. Vera: Is the apology from Rep. Don Young (R-AK) enough?

Dear Mrs. Vera,

I’ve got a puzzler for you from the most northern, whitest and most frigid state of the union! It is regarding the kindest, gentlest way to handle awkward social situations that arise when old people embarrass themselves unintentionally by cluelessly referring to people they hold in contempt with candid racist slurs that both affirm their own feeling of superiority while dehumanizing the humans that made their Daddy’s business so profitable in a frozen hellhole.… [Read more]

April 1st, 2013. A day of miracles!…(?)

A few near-miraculous events have taken place today. This April 1st is one for the history books!

The War on Women has been declared over. The men of the Republican party, joined by a few blue dog Democrats and Republican women, announced that they realised that unless they begin attending medical school in droves, any woman’s uterus is none of their business.… [Read more]

Ask Mrs. Vera: Will The New Pope Stick to His Vow of Poverty?

Dear Mrs. Vera,

A bunch of us nuns were chewing the fat on a Tuesday recently and taking bets on who could give up what and, well, things got a little heated and things were said by some sisters to other sisters (honestly, I can’t even tell us apart anymore), but, anyway, a lot of rosaries were thrown in spirited emphasis, and that yielded up some bruised feelings as well as a bunch of crucifix-shaped forehead dents, so anyway, anyway, we did a convent huddle and decided that we would abide by whatever advice you give us to keep the peace.… [Read more]

Dear Mrs. Vera: What’s the difference between Costco & Wal*Mart?

Dear Mrs. Vera,

Can you please tell me the difference between Costco and Wal*Mart?  I can never decide where to shop.

Regards, Walton Brotman Anaheim, Azuza, California… [Read more]

Benedict Spills His Guts in New Tell-All Bio Book

Freed from the bonds of the Papacy, protected by Papal Immunity, but no longer the Supreme Pontiff of the Holy Roman Catholic Church, Joe Ratzinger blows the dome off of St. Peter’s Basillica and allows you to see what’s going on inside with his BLOCKBUSTER BEST SELLER…

“VICE IN THE VATICAN”

“We used to have little Friday night shows in the Sistine Chapel where a chorus line of altar boys would come in and sing Broadway show tunes!”… [Read more]

Negroes? With GUNS? RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!

Bill Schmalfeldt was otherwise occupied this week having his foot surgically removed from the descending colon of a wingnut lawbreaker. So this week, his space is occupied by a guest columnist.

by Lester Smelgerson Public Affairs Spokesman Howard County, Maryland, Tea Party Splinter Group That Splintered from Real Tea Party Upon Learning Actual Tea Party is a Tool of the Left Being Used to Make People Hate Conservatives

Our worst nightmares are coming true.… [Read more]

Still, It’s Easier Than Dealing With Republicans

After months of frustrating negotiations, I finally came to a deal with my dogs last week that allows them to crap on the living room rug as much as they like.

It was a bipartisan deal, the product of weeks of strenuous back-and-forth.

Considering how far apart we were at the onset, frankly, I’m amazed we made the deal at all.… [Read more]

A Scene from the Romney White House

The Diplomat from China was waved through the back entrance to the White House, just like a hundred times before.

Since President Romney took office things have been great for the Chinese. The invasion of Taiwan took place and the country was securely absorbed with the mainland. Over 250,000 Taiwanese died fighting the invasion, but the island is slated to become a resort for the new Mainland’s middle class.… [Read more]

Wrap It Up – I’m Dreaming

Although this is a satirical piece, we have no doubt that there are many who feel this way. Randy Newman’s song, “I’m Dreaming“, is an interesting trip down memory lane and, given Mitt Romney’s latest debacle, there’s something about this that seems like it’s what Romney and his ilk are hoping for.

Sorry folks.… [Read more]

A Fictional Meeting to Decide Mitt’s Fate

Hovering over the 26 miles of water separating Catalina Island from the California mainland, the Secret Koch Brothers Zeppelin is the site for a top secret meeting of the Billionaire Cabal. David and Stephen Koch play host to Sheldon Adelson, Foster Friess, Phillip Anschutz, and several other billionaires who stand to gain the world if a Republican is elected in November.… [Read more]